[thaudio href=’http://soulanchorcollective.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/14-Starting-Over-feat.-Ben-Bridwell.m4a’%5D14 Starting Over (feat. Ben Bridwell)[/thaudio]
The last couple of years have been heavy. It seems that every week I have to talk myself into Starting Over, as the voice in my head tells me that pouring a significant amount of my time and energy into the writing about and creation of hip hop music and culture is a waste of time, I can’t help but think that I’d be neglecting something God has planted deep within me if I were to walk away. Nevertheless, walking away is tempting. I would rid myself of the stress that mounts as I find myself under thousands of submissions, find myself feeling the pressure of carrying on what I have begun, find myself dwelling on the burden of all of the music within that I may never have the time to create, find myself fiendishly pressing the keys of my keyboard at ungodly hours of the night (morning, more accurately) to make sure to keep new(ish) content on the blog, etc. This fear is merely a facade though. The real fear, the source of stress behind these symptoms, is this: I hope to one day see my family provided for by the words that I write. This is almost certainly impossible without a miraculous act of God, which, let’s be honest, does not occur occupationally for many across the globe – I would be a bit egotistical to think I deserved to do what I love for a living when there are millions who do what they must to put food on the table worldwide, often doing things they would prefer not to. The tension between that hope and a sobering look at reality wears on a person. I might even point to that tension as the reason it has been difficult for me to keep any sort of a schedule when it comes to listening to, reviewing and posting new music, let alone creating my own. At times I do succumb to the pressure and the fear. For that I apologize (though I am not sure how many will read this, I still apologize to the faithful few who do find some sense of value in what SAC does). While the temptation of quitting is real and right there, the temptation to push through is even more alluring.
Starting Over has become a part of weekly, if not daily, living for me. So here I am, putting words to the page as a gesture which recognizes the power in moving forward even when things seem hopeless. This past week my fifty three year old mother graduated with a masters of social work, I officiated my first wedding, and my wife and I cast our vision for the future of our family, all of which encouraged me to keep calm and carry on in my journey with hip hop. I hope that this encourages you, wherever you are in the spectrum of motivation/encouragement, to continue to press on with the desires that have been uniquely placed in you. I hope that the coverage we provide to the artists we love is a percentage of the push that helps them to continue during these seasons of creative drought. I hope that the music we share encourages listeners and fans to remain in love with hip hop, even during times when she SEEMS dead. I hope that this music, which has helped me to continue when life seemed too heavy, helps others to press on.
SAC’s friends and family, please be sure to leave a comment, letting us know what you think about our blog (and/or our music), letting us know what you are listening to and what we should be bumpin’ as well, and please share us with others. Thank you for the love.
Peace and Love,